Friday, 26 June 2009

  • How to cheat and not get caught

    There are a million reasons why you shouldn't cheat, but if you do decide to cheat, you might as well figure out how to get away with it.

    Cheating is a skill. One I've unfortunately mastered over the years. For me, it's not a matter of getting away with it anymore (because I know I can), it's more of the fact that I've grown out of my cheating phase. I used to feel like I had something to prove by being good with lots of women, now I'm just content with one.

    The Basics:

    Develop a routine
    Have a set schedule and always follow it. Maybe you workout everyday from 7pm-9pm, maybe you take art classes on the weekends from 1pm-3pm. The point is, having a set schedule gives you a believable alibi when she starts asking where you've been. The gym is a good one because it also gives you an excuse to turn off your phone because you usually don't carry around a phone at the gym.

    Don't tell anyone
    Don't tell your best friend. And especially don't tell HER best friend. The more people you tell, the exponentially greater the chances that your secret gets out. This goes for any secret, not just cheating. Girls and gay guys have exceptionally humongous mouths, both for sucking dick and spreading gossip. Avoid them like the plague.

    Intermediate Tactics:

    Pay attention to the details
    When you come home, take a shower and change your clothing. Make sure there's no traces of the other girl on your body, you'd be amazed at how sensitive a girl's nose is. Have a secret email account and don't share it with anyone. Delete AIM logs, delete internet histories, and for gods sake, don't blog about it, even if it's in your private page. Any electronic evidence should be thoroughly discarded, fuck sentimental value... there is nothing sentimental about cheating, the only thing you should focus on is not getting your cheater ass caught!

    Pay even more attention to the details
    It's always the small things that get a cheater caught. Set the other girl's name on your phone to a guy's name so that if she calls you, you can just pretend it was one of your buddies. Do not meet up with the other girl anywhere really public, there are people you know everywhere in town, even in a large city like New York. Always meet in private if you can.

    Advanced Tactics:

    Travel for work
    This one works very well for me. Being in different states all the time makes it exceptionally easy to be with someone else without the girl back home having any clue or idea what's going on. This is also why a lot of airline pilots, senior executives, and politicians are exceptionally prone to cheating on their wives.

    Do not alter your personality
    One of the key tells of a cheater is that they become very insecure in the relationship and will often accuse the partner of cheating to diffuse their own guilt. Do not change the way you act around your partner. Maintain consistency, keep the intimacy going. This is not easy, but with a lot of self awareness and perhaps a little indifference, it can be done.

    There you go, the ultimate guide to cheating, best of luck.

    PS. If you get caught, don't blame me.

    PPS. The GF is probably going to kill me for writing this (baby I'm innocent I sweaaaaarrrr!)


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    • From: Yosho
    • Posted: 6/26/2009 5:24 PM

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